When life gives you lemons, make grape juice and let the world wonder how you did it.


Some of my personal favourites =) Yeah, I have a lot of favourites.

The encounter of two people is like the encounter of two chemical substances, if there is any reaction, both of them change.

If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure you walk into them so they know it’s working.

I can’t afford anti-depressants so I’m just drinking No More Tears shampoo.

The “Earth” without “art” is just “eh”.

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s. She changes it more often.

In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.

Never look back unless you’re planning to go that way.

We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they’re called memories. Some take us forward, they’re called dreams.

Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

I tried on a smile but it didn’t fit.

If someone can’t get out of your head, maybe they’re supposed to be there.

Wii belong together.

My anger management class pisses me off.

After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist told me “Maybe life isn’t for everyone”.

To put it nicely, I hope you choke.

There’s always light at the end of the tunnel. Just pray it’s not a train.

Be optimistic. All the people you hate are eventually going to die.

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

I used to think the brain was the most powerful organ in the body. Then I realized who was telling me this.

I want to be what I was when I wanted to be what I am now.

Happiness is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.

I didn’t fail, I just found 10,000 ways that didn’t work.

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.

All people have the right to stupidity, but some abuse the privilege.

If you’re interested in time-travel, meet me last Thursday.

Start walking behind me, we can start a parade!

Nostalgia was better in the old days.

The definition of suspense is…

I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.

You can’t just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood. What mood is that? Last-minute panic.

Don’t pay attention to people who talk behind your back. It just means you’re two steps ahead of them.

The greener grass on the other side is probably artificial turf.

Friends don’t let you do stupid things…alone.

Be right back, going to go find myself. If I leave before I get back, make sure to tell me.

No trespassing! Violators will be shot and survivors will be shot again!

Manga, my anti-drug. Because when you’re addicted to manga, how can you afford drugs?

Music is very much like candy. You have to throw away the rappers.

It’s hard to answer the question “What’s wrong?” when nothing is right.

I believe in unicorns, good men, and other mythical creatures.

Shut up voices! Or I’ll poke you with a Q-tip again!

Everyone has a wild side, I just make mine public.

Don’t hit kids. No, seriously, they have guns now.

Homework kills trees.

Don’t flatter yourself, the only fan you have is the one on your ceiling.

Even if the voices aren’t real, they have pretty good ideas.

Why do we bake cookies and cook bacon?

I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Without me, it’s only aweso.

Heaven doesn’t want me and Hell’s afraid I’ll take over.

I’m majoring in unemployment.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

Common sense is not so common.

A Nobel Peace Prize? I would KILL for one of those.

The harder you fall, the higher you bounce.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Borrow money from a pessimist, they don’t expect it back.

When it comes to procrastinating, I do it right away.

I considered atheism but there weren’t enough holidays.

It takes a lot of money to look this cheap.

I don’t have a solution but I admire the problem.

Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.

There are some that are wise and others that are otherwise.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

I’ve gotta be me – everyone else was already taken.

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flame thrower.

I didn’t lose my mind. It’s sitting at home next to my common sense.

I like my steak so rare that when you poke it, it still says moo.

Weird people make the world go round; normal people just populate it.

Hard work never hurt anyone, but why take the chance?

I’m not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?

Don’t follow in my footsteps, I run into walls.

Winning is everything, to win is all there is. Only those poor souls buried beneath the battlefield understand this.

Since nobody’s perfect, I guess I’m nobody.

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

First law of science: don’t spit into the wind.

I’m not a follower… I’m a leader with the same idea.

There are three kinds of people in the world: Those who can count, and those who can’t.

If you’re satisfied about yourself, you had better change your ideals.

Those who know do not say, those who say do not know.

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

I think crime pays. The hours are good and you travel a lot.

I avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.

May your life be like toilet paper – long and useful.

Learn the rules before you break them.

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

We don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

You’re not fully dressed until you wear a smile.

Wanting to be someone you’re not is a waste of the person you are.

People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.

It’s hard to make a conversation when he’s taking my breath away.

The worst part about being lied to is knowing you’re not worth the truth.

The walls we build around us also keeps out the joy.


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