Scribbles

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice and let the world wonder how you did it.

Extremely Sick

Currently listening to: —

Feeling: Worse than shit.

I’m not getting better. I’m scared of how quickly my “sickness” is progressing. I wake up every morning and I find that I have a few more blisters on my lips or a few more on my body. I’d post pictures here but my body seriously looks disgusting right now.

The antibacterial and antiviral prescriptions aren’t working. Neither is the Chinese medicine. I can’t open my mouth properly to swallow the pills anyway. I can’t see my lips anymore. Blisters and sores covering it. It feels like it’s burning and there’s lots of yellow crusting.

As for my body, it looks like the night sky. Except the stars are small itchy red spots that are liquid filled and itchy. I’m beginning to suspect I have Chickenpox, but after reading various websites, I’m not sure anymore. My face looks horribly deformed. My ears are all swollen. The only part of my body that isn’t covered with itchy spots are my feet. I even have some on my hands and fingers. I’m wondering if I’m allergic to any of the medication I’m taking. I haven’t had a blood test since I was in elementary school.

I’m so depressed right now. I’ll start crying randomly. When I see my reflection in the mirror I start crying, too. I just want this to end. I’m too chicken too kill myself, though. I know I’ll get through this, but it’s been 2 and a half months and I’ve never seen any improvement.

I won’t be able to go to work anymore. I feel terrible about it, too, because I was in charge of a health and safety PowerPoint presentation. It’s a good thing it was pretty much done a week ago, and it was due yesterday, but I didn’t go to work yesterday.

Right now I’m willing to do anything to rid myself of all my discomforts.

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3 Comments»

  robostrike wrote @

T_T It’s hard to bear with the situation right now and I know it as I am faced with these situations (not medically, but more psychologically). But what you should concern more with yourself is not what you are doing right now (being depressed) and actively finding the solution yourself.
The current situation right now is equivalent to getting a trojan on your computer. I’ve done it (knowing it’s bad), but cheating the system too many times gets me into trouble (hence I’m frustrated and always reformat my computer). The goal from us is to release yourself from this frustration. It’ll take more than just us (however) to make it worth your investment. That other part is your commitment, understanding and acceptance.
Like troubleshooting a computer, troubleshooting life is almost the same (except how you resolve it doesn’t include mouse clicks -_-‘). It begins with doing things you normally don’t do that’ll help strengthen the body (as you’re claiming your body has a weak immune system). Light jogging and other exercising methods to excrete sweat from your body helps disintegrate bacterial infections (it is limited to the amount of activity and your condition (though please do not follow XKCD article 940… not where I’m getting this from even though for some miraculous reason it fits in this conversation… AWKWARD -_-‘. Sorry) Build back up that immune system that you’ve lost or weakened. If you feel the items you’re applying is ineffective, don’t use them. Simple, like using an anti-virus software that doesn’t even check for trojans on a computer is useless and should not be scanning your computer.
Was going to suggest you to go swimming as it is filled with bacterial destroying chlorine but just realized that they do not pursue anyone with visible wounds to swim >__< I do wish you do find a remedy soon~
._. *cries with you*

  Nike wrote @

I don’t know if my suggestion suffices with your situation, but here it goes.

As you and I are both science students (however, I am a bit of a religious freak), if medications do not work (yet), I suggest that you might want to strengthen yourself up spiritually.

Praying to God on a regular basis would be one solution. (More fit for your religion)

The other one would be to make a vow to give up something or to do something for others more often (doing volunteer work [not that I am saying you don’t do any, I think and hope]), just like Lenten Season (40 days).

I remember giving up video games during Lent back in high school and my marks skyrocketed from my Asian fails. [Also, bodhisattvas make vows and become enlightened, so if Christianity and Buddhism say it is great, I thought you might wanna give it a try?]

Another one is to chant the Medicine King mantras (but since you are Catholic, it might be blasphemes).

I hope you recover soon! God Bless!

  selinebyron wrote @

Fushiko, I can only imagine how incredibly hard this has to be on both yourself and your parents. But you have to keep at it, sometimes diseases like this just take time to figure out and fight. It sucks while you have to suffer through it, but life isn’t always fair, unfortunately. It hurts me to see you suffer through this so much, when I believe that you deserve so much better, but that’s out of both our controls. There’s not much I can do but offer my support and well-wishes, as I’m sure all your other friends and family are doing too. Please keep that in mind before thinking of doing anything terrible to yourself.

You know that I’ve also gone through bad things in life, and you know the importance of keeping your spirit up when faced with this. It sucks, but you can’t let it break you. :(

In the meantime, if there’s anything at all that myself (or any of your other friends) can do to help alleviate at least a little bit of your pain, don’t hesitate in letting us know. Whether it be some simple comfort like visiting you when you feel lonely or sad, or anything at all, please don’t hesitate. We’re all here for you and care so so very deeply. <3<3 Do your best and keep fighting.

A smile suits you best, so get better soon so you can smile again! =)


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